Frosted Flakes Gold

Usually, I love all cereals. Some taste better than others, and different cereals are ideal for different times.

With Frosted Flakes Gold however, I can't really see a time when this cereal would ever be considered good.

The front of the box describes its contents as "Crunchy flakes made with whole grain and baked with HONEY". Tastes more like poo. Rather, petrified bran flakes covered in candy shells, which isn't what I typically look for in a cereal. Thankfully it becomes slightly tolerable after 5 minutes of soaking up milk and the sugar has washed off a bit. Then again, that's like praising a wild, rambunctious child for eventually getting tired.

My housemate theorizes that when companies make these wild experiment products that mess with the usual formula for success, it's because they came up on a bunch of whatever the extra ingredient is.

I can't really think of any other reason why someone thought this cereal was a good idea. Didn't they focus group this stuff on someone else besides 6 year olds? I guess when you're a refined sugar peddler though, that's the only demographic that really counts.

I can't believe we made it through the whole box.

They'll get tired eventually.

The Collection

Yeah, it's kind of ridiculous.

In a later post I'll share with you the secret to acquiring a vast cereal fortune, such as the one pictured above, with a relatively affordable investment.

Rice Krazies.

Hey kids! Here's an exciting way to spice up your regular old Rice Krispies without adding a pound of sugar!

What a way to knock out two of those pesky fruits and veggie servings from the recommended daily five.

Honey Bunches of Oats

Unbeknown to many people, and despite being packaged in one convenient box, Honey Bunches of Oats is actually two cereals. Usually, the first half of the cereal consists of the various kinds of flakes with a few bunches of oats. After all that goodness is eaten up, you'll find yourself pouring a bowl of honey bunches of oats (like literally the honey bunches part) and a bunch of crumb-flakes.

I remember once reading on the cover that the contents of the box may have sifted, or something to that extent. Since then, whenever I buy HBoO I'll usually let it sit upside down for at least a couple of weeks until it's ready for consumption.

For the record, the flake parts of HBoO take a turn for the nasty around two minutes after milk is added but the bunches hold up just fine.

For this reason, when the cereal is remixed (usually by storing the box upside down and shaking the bag) and allowed to re-fuse to its intended state, HBoO reaches its maximum flavor potential.


Funny side story - we left the milk too close to the top of the fridge for a while and part of it ended up freezing. As an amazing side effect, the super cold milk seemed to slow down the sogification of the HBoO flakes and transformed it into an entirely different cereal, all for the better. It seems like it'd be kind of a hassle to keep the milk at freezing temperatures just to have perfect HBoO though, so I wouldn't recommend it unless you're pretty bored.

Heavy Hitters

When I was at the cereal store last week Diana and I saw these. I told myself I wouldn't buy any more cereal since between Irish and I we have >20 boxes on top of the fridge right now (pics/video soon) but I really couldn't pass this up.

Each box is about 1.5 pounds (24 and 24.5 oz) and they were 3 dollars each. Even the clerk standing nearby said you can't beat that.

Over 3 pounds of sugar and cereal for 6 dollars.

It's kind of ridiculous...

Total

Have you ever wondered what pure %100 whole wheat looks and tastes like? Me too but I presume Total is it.

It's also %100 Calcium and %100 Nutrition. Through analogies we can conclude that wheat, nutrition, and calcium are all equal to each other but maybe my math is a little off. Or maybe General Mills's math is the fishy one.

Regardless, after diligent research I've discovered that the creators of Total cereal, no other than Mr. Charles Total and his 5 children, set out one fateful day to create the most bland cereal possible.

They would have succeeded too if Rebeca Cheerios, Snap, Crackle, and Pop never came along with their own bland cereals.

Seriously though, Total is like the celery of cereals. It's so healthy you're likely to be burning up more calories (and whatever else were not suppose to be eating in this weightophobic society) than you pick up from eating it.

Further proof of Total's lack of pizazz can be seen right on the box art. General Mills has such little faith in the stand alone taste of Total that they chose to depict it with berries for added flavor. Either that or they designed total as a sort of accompaniment cereal to fruits which still reinforces the notion of blandness. Whatever. I can imagine that this actually tastes pretty good when you're feeling bloated...or constipated.

No prize or fun puzzles on this box btw, just boring adults doing unexciting adult things, i.e. trying to eat their way to good health.

Kudos.

Recent Acquisitions

I also picked up like 5 lbs. of Grape Nuts and had a recent fling with flavored oatmeal as per recommendation in the comment section. I'll write about my experiences in due time.