Frosted Mini Wheats

http://www.mini-wheats.com/index.shtml - warning, lots of annoying mini wheat narration



My fondest memory of frosted mini wheats is from my grandma's house when I was little. I was eating the Big Bite variety and the concept of breaking up the cereal before consuming was pretty foreign to me (it still is actually). I thought it was odd that despite being called mini wheats, a single chunk barely fit on my spoon, let alone made for a practical cereal. A quick search on wikipedia confirms that I'm not alone with this experience.

We had the normal sized frosted mini wheats a couple times at home over the years but it's been a while. I figured that I'd out a couple of the new flavors (I presume) and that they would also make for an interesting blog post.

What can I say? Now that I'm an adult and my mouth has grown to adult proportions the cereal is that much more edible.

I picked up the "Maple and Brown Sugar" and Strawberry varieties. At the store, I noticed the maple, frosted, and vanilla creme (ooh, fancy) versions were adorned with Shrek 3 promotional materials, namely, turn in 5 special cardboard tokens (from 5 boxes) and get a free Shrek bowl. You could also use just 1 token and send in 3 dollars but where's the fun in that? Then again, I don't think I could stomach 5 whole boxes of this stuff.



Anyways.

I thought it was interesting that the Strawberry version didn't have the Shrek promotion, leaving me 1 token further from my free novelty bowl. When I look at the box I feel as though it's marketed to the sophisticated business woman (or man, but society tells me that pink is less masculine and so 2006) who doesn't want cartoon characters, 3D or not, displayed on her(/his) cereal box while she(/he) shops around the grocery store. Why such a sexist comment? I don't mean it as such, but where is my fucking Shrek token?!



Looking at the sides of the boxes, strawberry let's me know that eating this cereal will keep me regular, which is definitely good to know, and it is apparently part of Kellogg's Smart Start Breakfast. At the bottom they bust out the same measuring tape from Special K to reaffirm my assumption that by buying this cereal I am investing in wellness which is important with my busy lifestyle.

Maple and Brown Sugar on the other hand tells me that it's important to consume a breakfast of heroes on a daily basis but won't tell me the the exact contents of such an empowering meal. Instead, that knowledge must be earned, though I presume only true heroes at heart will have the strength and wisdom to solve this riddle. Perhaps strawberries are one of the secret ingredients (gasp, are the Strawberry Mini-Wheats also training heroes?!) since it is pictured next to the riddle. Since I know how to spell strawberry, I can tell now that no, strawberries, according to this list, are NOT for heroes.


Bonus points to the first hero to unravel all of the mysteries of morning nutritional empowerment in the comment section.

So what have we learned today? 1) that we can add another cereal to the list of grown-person cereals that you can proudly parade around in the store knowing that it will bring balance and wellness to your stressful life of excesses and 2) if you desire a box with such information instead of its equally sugar coated yet cleverly marketed siblings then you are unworthy of the Shrek bowl.